Brides: let’s be real. Many of us started a Pinterest board for our Catholic Wedding day in middle school or high school. We’ve been dreaming, hoping, planning, and thinking for a LONG time. Our groom? Maybe not so much. And that’s more than OK! He’s going to bring a fresh perspective that you’ll likely really appreciate at times in the planning process.
The truth about us brides: we can get protective of the vision that we’ve been working on for so long. It’s really had to let go of our control because we risk losing parts of that vision we’ve carefully curated. Take it from me, Megan, I understand what it is like to not want to let anyone else in on the planning process.
But you need help!
Wedding planning as a one woman show is not a pleasant thing. So the best thing you can do is open yourself up to the possibility of some help – from sisters, bridesmaids, moms, and (most importantly) your groom! After all, it’s his day too!
You may assume that your groom is completely uninterested in all of the “girly” details of your day. But when asked, my own future husband was surprisingly interested in literally everything. Yours might be too if given the chance. Don’t make any assumptions! It’s important to honor his interest and actively include your future husband in your decision making and wedding vision. Because let’s face it, there’s so much more to planning a wedding day beyond colors and decor.
An added thought: even if your groom isn’t very interested in many elements of your day, he’s likely going to be willing to do just about anything he can to help you. He doesn’t want to see you so stressed either!
Our Tips for Including your Groom
SO…what can you give your grooms to do? Certainly not your dress selection, jewelry choices, or personal bridal touches. There are some things only a bride can tackle. So here’s what we suggest you ask your groom to handle during the Catholic wedding planning process:
1) Organizing Data + Final Decision Making
We ladies are often emotionally attached to many of the decisions we make in regards to our weddings and that’s normal. There is beauty in that; it’s part of our design. But it also means we may struggle with decision fatigue. While we *could * do the data gathering and synthesizing, men are sometimes able to do this particular task a little easier and without the emotional piece. So that means your groom can play a huge role in helping you keep track of all of your vendor options and in making your final decisions more efficiently.
We suggest you send your groom all kinds of links to all of your vendor ideas as you come across them: caterers, florist, cakes, invitations, musicians, and more. He can then create a spreadsheet of all of them that you can revisit and inquire with together. Once you’ve done that, he can record all of the information you’ve both gathered and better help you make the final call on everything practically and with less stress.
2) FOOD! Let him choose!
Speaking of vendors, there is one vendor we suggest you let your groom take the reins on and that is catering. Hear me out – a well fed groom is a happy groom. We ladies care about food, but I can almost guarantee that your guy cares about it more.
Unless you’re a major foodie or have something particularly fancy and aesthetic in mind that you MUST have at your wedding, a great thing for you to let go of and give to your groom to take over is food. I know that I let this decision largely rest on the shoulders of my future husband and I didn’t regret it in the least. He chose such tasty food that fit into our budget. Plus, he was so excited to eat it on our wedding day (when honestly I was too excited about everything else to care) and that was sweet to watch.
3) Priest, Servers, Musicians, Transportation
These are a few more things you need for your Catholic Wedding Day that likely aren’t linked to anything aesthetic on your dream board. Have him take care of emailing and securing your priest, your servers, and your musicians. Have him set up whatever form of transportation you are going to need for yourselves and your bridal party whether that’s renting from a company or arranging a ride from members of the bridal party. In fact, give him ANY tactical and practical things you can think of that fall into the same camp.
4) Classes
You’ll need to line up marriage prep and meetings with your priest required by your diocese. You might also need additional classes, including your NFP method of choice. He can take charge of planning these with your schedule and making sure you’re both on track with those things. Set him to the task of reading any marriage prep books you are recommended. Make a date night of him giving you the abbreviated version or summary.
5) Website + Registry
Though you may want to provide him with your preferences when it comes to the design of the website, encourage your groom to get that started. He can also set up your registry up with all of the stores you’d like. Encourage him to put all “guy” oriented items on your registry that he can think. Examples would be tools, garage equipment, desired games, household devices, and more. I know that I, Megan, personally forgot all of those things on our wedding registry and we paid the price after the fact.
Don’t Stop Here!
This is just the start. Use these planning tips as just a starting place for getting your groom involved in your Catholic wedding day! Find even more ways inspired by these tips that you can work together towards planing your sacrament day. There are so many other tasks and elements that would take blog post upon blog post to explain. Hopefully these ideas can be a springboard for getting you started.
Our Final Thoughts…
And remember that everyone, male or female, has their strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes a guy isn’t good with numbers and scheduling. Sometimes a gal isn’t good with colors and the visual side of things. And that’s beautiful! Make the wedding planning process work for you and your future spouse. God made you both so uniquely. Your wedding planning process is a testament to that as you embark on such a big task together. So more than anything, we advice that you delegate your jobs in the planning process in a way that reflects your individuality and leans into your God-given talents.
Happy Planning!
Megan (and Joey)
