Thanks to our lovely Instagram followers, we’re excited to start answering some of your most pressing questions in regards to Catholic Marriage! Going on 8 years of Catholic Marriage ourselves, we feel that we might be able to give our two cents on some of the most common struggles our followers seem to be facing. So let’s dive in to it, shall we?
Q: “Any advice for helping your partner increase their devotion to God?”
A: Over the course of our marriage there are times that we’ve both felt the need to help the other along in the faith and devotion department.
While Megan was going through a lot of physical trials during our early years, Joey carried her through spiritually and did the heavy lifting when it came to prayer and the faith. More recently, Megan has been the encourager as Joey tackles new frustrating phases of fatherhood that require renewed spiritual growth.
Very rarely is a couple (married or not) “on the same page” in their personal devotions. This is not only because it’s such an individual, subjective journey but also because we are all going through different things at different times. So please don’t despair if it feels like your faith lives are a little imbalanced.
Side note: this is why marital grace is SO amazing! It is meant exactly for when one spouse needs to encourage and help the other grow in their faith. After all, the goal is to get each other to heaven!
If you feel that your partner is struggling to grow in devotion to God, here is what we suggest:
- Start with yourself and begin praying for them in true earnest. This seems so obvious but literally set aside a specific written prayer or amount of time or number of rosaries that you are going to pray for your partner to make strides in their faith life. Intercession on your part is the most effective thing to do and most important place to start.
- Next, lead by example. Describe a new holy book you are starting to read (and gift him or her a copy as well). Share faith based videos with your partner. Explain something that really struck you during the readings or homily at Mass. Describe your prayer life and your own current spiritual goals and inquire about his or hers, too. Don’t go overboard or this can detract from your goal of turning your partner’s eyes towards Christ. Instead, it can make them feel a though you are insulting their faith. Be persistent but also be patient and gentle in your approach.
- Directly invite your partner to grow with you. This approach helps you to not appear “holier than thou” and take a posture of humility. We all need to grow in our faith, so there is plenty for you to do as well! Ask your partner to say the rosary with you, go to adoration or confession with you, or say a quick prayer with you at random times. Invite him or her to join a faith based group or bible study with you at your parish. If your partner is devoted to you then he or she will likely be willing to do this for you. He or she will quickly realize that their yeses to you are also yeses to God.
- And as always, we would recommend open communication about this to your partner. Never avoid this topic of conversation because you feel like it isn’t your place. If you are married, it actually is your place. One of the points of the vocation of marriage is to help each other become holier every day! That can’t happen if a person becomes stagnant in their faith life and the other stands by watching. If you aren’t married, then you are practicing for when this actually will happen in your marriage. So don’t hesitate to take action in whatever way it is appropriate for your relationship.
On a final note:
For dating couples: by all means we are encouraged to help each other grow in our devotion to Christ. However, if this inhibits the spiritual goals you have for yourself or leads you further from Christ, then the relationship is not helping anyone. If the person you are with is on an entirely different page than you when it comes to the faith and you have tried everything we have suggested with no difference, we would encourage you to take to prayer the decision to remain in your relationship with that person. (The Chastity Project has some amazing additional posts and advice for topics related to this one.)
For married couples: growing in faith together is at the root of your marriage vows. Your commitment to helping each other grow in faith should not be taken lightly. Seek out spiritual counseling to get back on track in your faith life together if you feel stuck.
We hope this helps and never hesitate to reach out to us personally if you ever need to chat more or have a question you want to see answered. We’re always here for you.
With love in Christ,
